So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
