dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize