Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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