Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
