All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
