WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
