Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
