he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
