Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
