You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have aggressive nipples.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
