highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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