You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
