god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
