Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
