I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
