Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
