Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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