so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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