No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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