R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Can Purell be used as lube?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
