do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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