u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
