Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
