I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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