dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
