And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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