Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
