Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
