if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
love makes seman taste better
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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