She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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