she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
only if we run a train.
done.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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