You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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