I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
