According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize