he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
