Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
