as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize