Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's blow job season.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
