Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
