wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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