omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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