sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
