we're blogging at a bar
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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