Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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