mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
