Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
