guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
