So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just forgot I was standing up.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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