i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
