Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
