Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
