He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
