I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
