Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
