Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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