Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
