Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
