How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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