8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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