I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
