i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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