She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize