yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
