So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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