you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize