I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
