I love black thongs
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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