I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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