you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
